hi, little dove, how are you doing? how is the new year treating you? i’m curling up with a blanket and a glass of water (which i will switch for a steaming coffee before the hour ends, surely. what about you?)
this letter will be shorter than i wanted it to be, because i’m a little pressed for time. a late resolution of mine is to post one of these every new moon*, and the first new moon of the year is today, 11th of january. that should hopefully be a fun little schedule for us all! i am also planning a few surprise letters, but these monthly ones should stick to this structure and be regular.
*the reason i chose every new moon is because i was using the emoji (🌑) to tag posts i felt resonated with my feelings about a friend of mine who i no longer am in love with. it’s also the avatar of this playlist i’m making to cope with it. i came to this conclusion a few weeks ago, and while the initial shock of not speaking to her (incidentally, also a year ago) was heartbreaking and confusing and terrible, all i feel now is calm. & the new moon becomes whole once more.
i have specific goals for each month for this newsletter too, but i thought i would mention: happy one year to this! i posted the first one of these *checks* oh! exactly one year ago! what a joy. what an absolute JOY. a new icon is on the way! maybe bringing a name change with it. so is a new cover image, but that might take a little longer. we’re taking things easy and trusting the process this year.
i keep thinking on this prompt by nosebleedclub on tumblr - has this year started with honey or blood? such vivid imagery. rich gold or rich red. sweet and bitter. both natural, both life-giving. healing. has the year started sweetly, or plunged you into the deep end? blood. what a word. i think about blood a lot, nowadays. my worldview has shifted since deciding to persue medicine. whenever i hear sirens, i briefly forget about the existence of police cars and wonder, “ach. i hope you are ok. are you going to a hospital? from one? dear god. i could be in one of those one day.” whenever i think of blood, i think about the lamb heart i dissected last year, still bloody. i think of the anatomy videos i have watched on youtube, of body parts blanched yellow and lifeless. i think of the fact that there is a nonzero chance i could be dissecting a real human body within the year. i suppose this year has started with blood. though the sound of birds singing in the morning has certainly felt heavenly.
this poem by joel dias-porter (hint: read it aloud, then read just the highlighted parts aloud.)
and also, the poet’s comment on it.
This poem (besides being an unrhymed sonnet) is a form I created and call a Colorpuntal—a cross between an Erasure poem and a Contrapuntal. All of the text forms the “host poem” & the maroon text forms the “ghost poem” which ideally should trouble or complicate the host poem. The idea is to try to express what Jorie Graham called “the fullness of existence I feel in contradiction."
(aren’t my new banners cute! i made them myself - that was my goal for january :) inspired by chloé williams’s dividers!)
listening to: the vibe for 2024 (i don’t feel alive - chelsea cutler)
thinking about: girlfriends, books (i’ve already finished 1 this year!), studying, interviews, medicine, friends, ex-friends, music, money, gratitude, journals, planners, accountability, productivity, to-do lists longer than my arm, saffron and jasmine scented perfume, gifts, grief, calligraphy, gold flecks in deep blue paint, silk emerald-green shirts, textile arts, acrylic paints. trying to be better.
some lyrics that have really stuck with me:
'cause you're a lot like your mom just writing hundreds of songs / and i've heard that you've got people listening now - six feet deep, we three
i'm getting undressed for my lover / and praying she don't hate all my skin like i do - i don’t feel alive, chelsea cutler (extra note: this marks the first time the artist has used she/her for her partner.)
called you a swiss army knife / 'cause you're small and you're useful and beautiful - maddie zahm
i’m thinking about posting my absolute tbr - 12 books i absolutely must read this year, and i will hopefully get better about reviewing them too. maybe i’ll make a new banner for reviews! the book i’m reading in january is hamnet by maggie o’farrell if you want to share your thoughts about it in the comments! i’ll post the review in february :) - so far, its absolutely gorgeous.
i made a new youtube channel for softer things - bookbinding, ordinary lives, book reviews, minimalism, kindness. also, mice? and i thought i would recommend a few of my favourite channels on there:
i think that’s all for this letter. bit short, my apologies. i’m planning on making quite a few fun little changes to these in the coming months, please let me know if you are enjoying them! until next time, stay safe.